


genji and hanzo aren't okay

by AnakinBiwalker



Series: autistic hanzo shimada [8]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Autism, Autistic Character, Autistic Hanzo Shimada, Blood, Echolalia, Flashbacks, Gen, Genji has PTSD, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shimada Brothers, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-21 05:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11937012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnakinBiwalker/pseuds/AnakinBiwalker
Summary: hanzo experiences a meltdown and then genji has his own ptsd triggered and it's a mess





	genji and hanzo aren't okay

**Author's Note:**

> warning: this is a lot heavier than the other works in this series! i know you all love the fluff (i do too) but i was in a bad place and i needed to vent!

Genji was meditating, joined by Zenyatta and (a recent addition) Lúcio. The three of them had set up a nice space in an old, unused training area. Far enough from the others to have minimum distractions. 

Well, until someone decided to ruin their peace. 

"Pardon me, Zenyatta, but could I steal your student here?" Jesse asked, gesturing towards Lúcio. 

"If Lúcio wishes to leave, he may," Zenyatta said, smiling without smiling. 

Genji looked back and forth between Jesse and Lúcio, curious. The only real connection between them would be a connection to Hanzo, but Jesse would come to _him_ about his brother, wouldn't he? 

"Depends on what you want," Lúcio said, "Is it actually important?" 

Jesse nodded, serious. 

"Is there any way I could help?" Genji asked, hoping Jesse would say yes. 

"Nah, just Lúcio," Jesse said, words resting like a weight on Genji's chest. 

"Alright then," Lúcio said, getting to his feet. He turned towards them, bowing his head. "I'll see you guys later, okay?" 

"Have a good evening," Zenyatta said, "both of you." 

Jesse saluted him, before leaving with Lúcio. 

Genji felt their absence. 

"Speak to me, Genji," Zenyatta said. He always knew, attuned to Genji's feelings in a way no one else was. 

"It's Hanzo, I know it is," Genji said, "and Jesse didn't tell me. Why?" 

Zenyatta hummed, thoughtful. "Because it is Hanzo." 

That was what it came to, every time. Hanzo and Genji. Genji and Hanzo. Their relationship was fragile, always changing, always finding new limits, new triggers. New ways to hurt to each other. 

Genji should be the first person Jesse came to, but he knew, in his heart, he would be the last. 

"No one doubts you love your brother," Zenyatta said. 

"Except my brother," Genji said. 

Zenyatta placed a hand on Genji's head. "Hanzo knows you love him, Genji, that is why he struggles." 

There is nothing left to say, and they resume meditation until it is time for dinner. 

Together, they head to the kitchen. Zenyatta doesn't eat, of course, but Genji does. And Zenyatta enjoyed spending time with the others, anyway. 

Zarya, Mei, Lúcio, Reaper, Jesse, and Hanzo are all absent. 

Zarya and Mei occasionally enjoyed dinner together, separate from the others. Hanzo appeared maybe half the time. Reaper was, well, Reaper. Jesse and Lúcio, however, were social butterflies. 

The fact that they were still gone left Genji feeling nervous, worried. 

Genji ate mechanically, half-listening to Symmetra and Pharah beside him. Zenyatta was a grounding presence, but Genji was still half-gone. 

His thoughts drifted to Hanzo. Last time they spoke, he was the same as ever. Nothing concerning. 

"Genji, we need you." 

He turned, facing Lúcio who stood in the doorway. He looked exhausted, overwhelmed. The others noticed him, but he only had eyes for Genji. 

"Of course," Genji said, on his feet. 

"Great," Lúcio said, before rushing away. 

Genji followed, without thought. 

They were headed for Hanzo's room, Genji could tell. 

"I tried playing the music he likes," Lúcio babbled, "but he just, didn't respond. I tried playing music he didn't like. Still, nothing. Cuddling? Out of the question. Any touching! Just don't!" 

"What are you talking about?" Genji asked, though he knew. 

"Hanzo!" Lúcio said, "I don't know. He's having an episode or something!" 

They arrived at his room, and when the door opened, the noises from within filled the hall. 

"Hanzo, stop!" Jesse, desperate. Tired. 

"Hanzo, stop!" Hanzo, even more desperate. 

Genji registered his brother was crying. 

He rushed into the room and found Hanzo on the floor, back against the wall. Jesse kneeling in front of him, reaching for something Hanzo was holding. 

A glint of metal. A knife. Blood. 

Genji dropped to his knees and the noise brought both men's attention to him. 

"Lúcio, why the hell is he here?" Jesse yelled, and Lúcio yelled something back, but all that was lost to Genji, everything was lost to him, except for Hanzo and the knife and the blood between them. 

So much blood between them.

"Genji," Hanzo said, "Genji, Genji-" He repeated himself, without pause or hesitation. 

A man shifted into view, coming between them, obscuring Genji's line of sight. He coul no longer see Hanzo and his wild eyes. 

The sharp clatter of metal against the ground. 

Genji registered that Hanzo was unarmed. 

Then, he moved. 

The man in front of him was barely an obstacle, not expecting an assualt from behind. The other, hovering by the door, wasn't quick enough to warn his partner, before Genji had his arm pinned to his back, forcing him onto the ground. 

He slammed the man's head down, and his body sagged onto the floor, still. 

The other man was much shorter and even less of a threat; Genji incapacitated him easily.

That left Hanzo, hands bloodied as he scrambled to his feet. 

Genji regarded him for just a moment, before lunging for the knife on the floor. Within seconds, he has it pressed to Hanzo's throat, his arm braced against his chest to keep him pinned to the wall. 

He couldn't remember how he managed to get Hanzo there, but he didn't care. Tremors ran through him, the blade shook against Hanzo's vulnerable neck. 

Genji was close enough to see the green glow of his visor reflected in Hanzo's eyes. 

A considerably violent tremor went through his arm, and he nicked Hanzo, a single drop of blood welling to the surface. 

"Do it then, kill me," Hanzo said.

Genji shook his head, then tightened his hold on the knife. He pressed Hanzo harder into the wall. 

"I have accepted what I am," Hanzo said, voice hoarse, "and I have forgiven you." He tilted his head, exposing more of his throat. 

The words, so familiar, hit him as if Hanzo had physically struck him. 

"Kill me." 

Genji dropped the knife and stepped away from Hanzo. A weak sob spilled from him as he wrapped his arms around himself and sank to the floor. 

He glanced around and he saw Jesse and Lúcio on the floor, both unconscious. 

"They need help," Genji said, numb. 

"Hanzo grab Lúcio," Genji said, lifting Jesse in his arms as Hazo went to Lúcio's side. 

Together they left the room, hurrying to medical. The entire journey he felt helpless, guilty. 

"Dinner," he said, stopping. "I'll meet you there." 

Hanzo nodded, and went on his way, while Genji rushed to the kitchen with Jesse. 

He burst into the room, "Angela!" 

Everyone froze, staring at him and Jesse, shocked and uncomprehending. 

"Hanzo has Lúcio, too," Genji said, "They were both knocked unconsious." 

"By who?" Lena demanded. 

"Is there a threat-" 

Several voices all interrupted each other. Genj's head swam. Jesse felt so heavy in his arms. 

"I did," Genji said, "It was me." 

Silence, again. 

"We have time for talking later," Angela said, "Come with me." 

They left. 

Everyone was fine, thankfully. And 'no one was mad' according to Jesse, but Genji locked himself in his room the following day, anyway. He couldn't face them, any of them. 

He allowed Zenyatta to visit, but even he was pushed away after too long. 

He was going on his second day of isolation, sitting in the middle of his room and meditating. There was no peace in it. 

A feint knock on the door. 

He stared at the door, battled within himself. 

"Yes?" 

"Genji." Hanzo. The one he wanted to see the least. 

"Come in," he said, hesitant. 

The door opened, Hanzo entered. 

Hanzo sat down across from him, and they sat in silence. Neither of them knew what to say, who should speak first. 

"Hanzo, I am-"

"Don't," Hanzo said, "please." 

Genji looked to his hands, folded in his lap. 

"You do not need to ask my forgiveness, for this," Hanzo said, "what happened was nothing." 

Genji felt something like rage bubble up in him. "Nothing? I attacked Jesse! Lúcio!" His voice broke. "I would have killed you." 

Hanzo's lips quirked into a smile. "Fratricide is nothing new for either of us." 

Genji's hands shook. "You were weak. I was going to kill you, because you were having...an..." 

"A meltdown?" Hanzo supplied, "I was. And I was going to harm myself, and would have harmed Jesse and Lúcio for trying to help. Then we would be here, but I would be the one hiding." 

"That doesn't make it okay!" Genji said, resenting how calm Hanzo was so. Reasonable. Unlike himself. 

"Genji, you were having an episode of your own," Hanzo said, "anyone could see that." 

"I forgave you, Hanzo. For everything," Genji said, "Those months ago, I had the chance to kill you, and I didn't. How could I?" 

Hanzo watched him with dark eyes.

"But then, I almost did," Genji said, "I thought I let go of that anger, but it came back." 

"If I was in the midst of my meltdown, and I was, say, biting myself till I bled, and you got in the way, and I bit you or hurt you some other way, what would you think?" Hanzo asked, "Would you be mad at me?"

"No, I-" 

"Then why, Genji, do you expect us to be mad at you?" Hanzo asked. 

Genji shook his head. "I don't know." 

Hanzo laughed, without humor. "We are a pair, you and I." 

Then, cautiously, he touched Genji's hand. And then, cautiously, Genji held his hand back.

**Author's Note:**

> i love the shimadas 
> 
> also during the scene where genji is threatening hanzo, hanzo is using echolalia exclusively from their dialogue during the dragons short


End file.
